Back on campus, drinking tea in a pal’s apartment. Various trip members are all passed out. Made pizza and cookies. Celebrating our trip + return tonight with more folks and other indulgences, hyuk hyuk hyuk.
I’m zonked, but it’s been a good couple of weeks. I have stories to share.
Back to El Norte tomorrow, and then start work again. Let it go smoothly. (I didn’t get any opening shifts, WHOOPEE!)
School has come to a complete close, I’ve moved out of my dormitory, and in a few short hours I’m headed off for some cross-country volunteering in California for a couple of weeks. Then, back to good ‘ole Wisconsin and working in the bakery again.
I won’t have internet or phone access due to the location of volunteering (or very limited phone access, rather), but this’ll be good.
Time to read and write letters and go/see/do. Cheers.
I got a ticket
About to go run to the bathroom and have my body react to both mounting and shifting stress in one way or another
Then about to go have an important and highly unavoidably uncomfortable conversation and try not to cry or combust or crumble or something else fuck fuck fuck fuck
oh my gOD tickets go on sale in seven minutes I am going to vomit from nervousness
Being human and feeling stuff is really scary and disconcerting and the end of the year always wigs me out
- my folks are coming to visit me for the first time in two years tomorrow
- I still feel like I’m missing a metaphorical limb and it’s dumb but I can’t ignore it
- I’m going to be talking about how I feel with someone and it doesn’t include awesome or nice things and that drives me up the wall but I just need this out of my system so badly
- I’m so anxious that it’s beginning to fuck with my body again
- there’s so much to look forward to, but it’s so hard to feel it, or have the feelings of joy slip away with the snap of my fingers
- there are tickets that go on sale tomorrow I’m afraid I’ll sleep through purchasing them because they’ll disappear like hotcakes
- this year has caused a lot of personal grow
- but just has also taken it out of me in so many ways
- it’s terrifying in a slow, molasses-like way to keep on going
- this feels dumb but isn’t
Expect some long, rambling and overdue personal textual post that isn’t bullet points and includes actual writing hopefully soon
I need to get on that
- Take a deep breath again
- Drink more water
- Keep folding and packing and milling away
- Go
I’m a lil angst-filled today so I’m gonna go take a dump, get out of my room (in which my roommate and her babelicious mom are moving stuff right now), read for pleasure, and try and finish + start some letters.
Then work from the early evening ‘til midnight, cool cool cool.
Things’ll be aight, I just can’t stew. KEEP GOING
— Jonathan Carroll (via thatkindofwoman)
(Source: jonathancarroll.com, via litleaf)
— Stephen Jay Gould (via likeafieldmouse)
(Source: pisumsativa, via meindquakes)
